What My Father Left in Me

Not every Father's Day is filled with warm memories. For many, it is a day of celebration. For me, it is a day of mixed feelings: regret, sadness, and a longing for what could have been. My relationship with my dad was complicated. As I grow older, I find myself looking back - not to rewrite the past, but to try and understand it.

When I was very young, my father was my hero. I have so many happy memories. Sitting on his knee, holding his hand as we crossed a road, feeling so safe and cherished. I remember him coming home from work and running outside, with the dogs in tow, to greet him. I was so happy that he was home. I remember family holidays travelling to his hometown, Theunissen in the Orange Free State. We would sing all the way in the VW Kombi, bubbling with excitement about the adventure ahead.

But as I entered my teenage years, I started seeing things that I had missed as a child - or perhaps chose not to see. What I failed to understand as a teenager was that he had his own history, his own disappointments, fears, and limitations.

Still, my father taught me many things for which I am forever thankful. He was an avid reader, and his spoken and written languages (both Afrikaans and English) were impeccable. Growing up in a bilingual home definitely had its advantages. He always suggested that we avoid reading translated books, choosing instead to read the original work in its original language. I remember going to Cape Town from a very young age and being allowed to choose any book of my liking. We were also members of our local library from a very young age.

I can still picture him sitting in his study, writing in his journal and crafting short stories on any subject. He passed this love down to me; I have always loved writing and making up stories in my head.

I also remember his love of classical music. As a child, I did not appreciate or understand it. I was taken to many chamber music concerts back then, often falling asleep only to be carried out in his arms when the music ended. Now, whenever I blog, I always have classical music playing in the background.

He loved the outdoors and hiking. We were surrounded by beautiful mountains in our hometown: Helderberg Mountain, Table Mountain, Lion’s Head, the Hottentots-Holland range, and Simonsberg. We even slept over on Helderberg Mountain when we were children. My favourite memory was his clever breakfast creation of muesli, tinned peaches, and condensed milk. It felt like such an adventure.

A childhood adventure on Helderberg Mountain. We even spent the night on the mountain during one of our family hiking trips.

When he wasn't hiking in the mountains, he would often go for a run with the dogs. He was a bit of a perfectionist and very organised in his thinking - traits I see in myself too. That "all or nothing" mindset still lingers today.

One lesson both my parents taught us was to treat every person with equal politeness and respect. My father loved numbers, and so do I. He kept a meticulous, handwritten log of our household expenses, right down to the very last cent.

Now, every time I walk a mountain trail, listen to a piece of classical music, sit down to write, do my monthly budget, head off to the gym, or catch myself striving for perfection, I experience a little piece of him.

Over time, I have come to understand that he was simply doing the best he knew how with the tools he had. Parents have to learn as they go along. There is no manual that can teach you how to be a perfect parent, and children do not fit into a specific mould.

We never had the relationship I wished for. There are things I still regret, and details I wish had been different. But I now realise that my father left far more of himself in me than I ever understood when I was young. Those very things have shaped the person I am today.

If you feel a bit sad today, as I do, perhaps take a moment to reflect on the things your father gave you, even if your relationship was not everything you wished it could have been.

💌 Before You Go

Looking for a beautiful birthday wish, friendship greeting, or uplifting message to share with someone special?

Visit Frannie's Greeting Corner for a growing collection of heartfelt greeting cards designed to encourage, celebrate, and brighten someone's day.

👉 Browse Frannie's Greeting Corner

If today brings up mixed or complicated feelings for you, please know you are not alone. Do you see your parents differently now that you have walked further down life's path? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

— Frannie ☕