STARTING AGAIN....

(FOR THE 47TH TIME)

I am one of those people who always likes to be in control.

I am always early for appointments (you never know what might happen on the way there). I decide the day before what I will wear the next day — after checking the weather, of course. I plan the structure of my day in my head and sometimes even on paper, especially when I’m about to start a new exercise routine or change my eating plan.

And more often than not, I get stuck in the planning phase… indefinitely.

Recently, I decided to cut down on chocolate, because I am known to finish an entire slab in a day instead of just two blocks. I would take that slab and divide two blocks into the relevant day slots of my pill holder.

Yes — I have a pill holder for my chocolates too.

While thinking about this, I asked myself: why not add a few exercise rules as well? I am, after all, a stickler for rules. So I decided I would go to the gym five days a week (two days cardio, two days strength training, and one class). I would also go hiking in the Helderberg Nature Reserve at least once a week, and rest one day.

The warning bells should already have been ringing.

I usually start very well. I feel excited about the “new me” that is just around the corner. But the truth is, you can’t plan for every eventuality. Something will always happen that wasn’t part of the plan.

In this case, it was the Lindt lady in the supermarket — standing there all prettily with her tray of shiny temptations.

I could not resist.

Would one really make such a big difference?

Well… if you are me, it does.

Suddenly, everything I didn’t need was on display. Today is ruined anyway, right? My favourite choc brownies with the nut sprinkles appeared. The fluffy white rolls. The chips I couldn’t find for weeks. Double cream yoghurt. Cheese. Bite-sized chicken pies.

“All or nothing” is my middle name.

And then comes the guilt.

Where is my self-control? What am I supposed to do with all this food now? I can’t possibly eat like this and exercise. Maybe I should just postpone everything until next week… I can’t let all this food go to waste.

This has happened to me time and again. I know the pattern. I strive for perfection. I thrive on control. I want quick results. And then one tiny glitch ruins everything.

But lately… something has shifted. I am more aware. I am less strict with myself. The rules are still there, but they are softer now.

Sometimes I still eat the chocolate — but I catch myself, and instead of spiralling, I simply continue. I try to eat before going shopping (never shop hungry — that’s a trap). I keep an emergency healthy snack in my handbag.

Be prepared. If you know your patterns and your triggers, you can adjust. Celebrate the small wins. Recognise that doing something is better than giving up completely. Allow yourself a small indulgence — and then move on. Eating mindfully is a lifestyle, not a punishment.

I don’t have all the answers. I am sure I will slip again. But when I do, I will dust myself off and carry on. 

Don’t be too hard on yourself.

— Frannie ☕