The Voice in My Head:

Coach or Critic?

Rethinking Your Inner Voice After 60

I have always been hard on myself.

Whether it was work, exercise or dieting — I pushed myself. Many years ago, after a traumatic period in my life, I decided to pour my energy into the gym. It felt productive. Controlled. Strong.

I started going at 5am, Monday to Friday. If something came up and I couldn’t go, I felt disappointed and unsettled. Over weekends, social plans waited until after gym. Gym was ruling my life — and I loved it.

The voice in my head was sharp and tough. I listened to it because it cut through excuses. It pushed me. It did not tolerate weakness. But my eating habits were just as extreme. During that dark period, I picked up about 15kg and decided something drastic had to happen. I followed quick-fix diets — grapes for two weeks, bananas and skim milk for two weeks. The weight would drop. Then it would creep back.

At what cost? By 2pm I wanted to nap. By 8pm I struggled to keep my eyes open. Sometimes I felt weak and dizzy from eating too little and not eating balanced meals.

One day I asked myself: Is this really necessary? What am I trying to prove? Where am I going?

Slowly, I realised it was not discipline. I was punishing myself. Training too hard. Eating too little. Demanding too much. It was taking a toll on my body and mind. So I changed.

I still go to the gym — but three times a week. I walk on the beach. I hike. I move because I want to feel strong, not controlled. My focus has shifted. I eat mindfully. Healthily. Enough. In a way I can sustain for the rest of my life. Yes, I still enjoy chocolate. Yes, I still enjoy the occasional indulgence. But the extremes are gone.

Many women are constantly searching for a magic solution. Eat what you want and lose weight. A pill. A plan. A promise. But the real shift isn’t in a product. It’s in the voice in your head. Women of my age were raised on: Be good. Be strong. Be disciplined. Take care of everyone else. Very few of us were taught how to be kind to ourselves while doing it.

I don’t want to lose my drive. I don’t want to lower my standards. I just want the voice in my head to be driven — but kind.

If you hit a plateau: Be consistent. Keep going. Be patient. Be kind.

Effort will shine through eventually.

— Frannie ☕